Wine, Women, and Song
by PalisDelon
Summary: Complete - The Netherfield Ball from a downstairs POV. Read on BBC Radio Scotland's Arts Show!


Title: Wine, Women, and Song

Author: Palis Delon

Feedback: I love it. Yup, yup.  
Rating: PG

Summary: The Netherfield Ball from a downstairs POV.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all. Poor me.  
Archive: , anyone else just ask.  
Authors notes: This was written for the spring challenge at

This hasn't bee updated, I'm just trying to get the spacing for the different talks right.

SSSSS

_I don't know why I let her do this._ The house I would be workin' at tonight came into view. _Rose should be here. But, no, she's off with that officer and I'm spendin' my night off from the inn workin'._

"Ah, where's Rose?" Mrs. Mullard spotted me.

"Oh, she's 'ad an invitation to dine with one of the Lieutenants. Talked me into takin' over for her she did. That girl could talk the 'ind leg off a donkey."

"That's God's truth." Mrs. Mullard says. "I was havin' her wash. Her mouth can go all it likes doin' that. But a good girl like you... You can serve. Get up to the punch. You be needin' more, just give a yell for my Robbie."

SSSSS

_It's not all that bad. Yes, you're workin'. But here no one will grab at your...Oh, by all things holy! They invited the officers! And here comes that slick, little, fishified, Denny._

"Why, the lovely miss..."

"Don't you 'lovely miss' me, Denny. You're looking for Rose. Well, she isn't here and I'm not free with my favors. So why don't you just take the punch and..."

"DENNY!!"

_Dear Lord. It's that Bennett girl. She'd make a wonderful tavern girl. If we had her and Rose then maybe I'd only have to do most of the work instead of all of it._

"Oh Denny! Where is Wickham? He promised to dance with me. Did you do away with him so you could dance with me all the more? Hmm?!"

"Lydia!"

_The older Miss Bennett, now there's a girl to take after. Not flingin' herself at all the redcoats, or shovin' her bubbies out at anythin' male._

"Oh pish Lizzy. Beside, you want to know where Wickham is just as much as I do."

_Dear Lord, even Rose wouldn't stick out her tongue._

"I do not imagine his business would have called him away just now, if he had not wished to avoid a certain gentleman here."

_Business? Is that what you call it Denny? Ha! The gentleman probably found Wickham givin' the 'business' to one of the girls in his employ._

SSSSS

"And not only has Jane caught the eye of Mr. Bingley. But I have high hopes that Lizzy will be wed before to long."

_Mrs. Bennett only needs a man to ask, 'how do you do?' and she has 'high hopes' for one of her girls._

"Lizzy! Indeed, I know of no gentleman that gives her marked attention."

"Of course, Lady Lucas. He is our cousin Collins, who has only come to visit this week. He has told me that he wishes for a wife. Lizzy has caught his eye and he has been most attentive to her. All ways telling her of Huntford, and..."

_Why? Why did you have to stop here to talk? Can't you hear the two men next to you a-layin' bets on the number of missteps the 'wonderful' Mr. Collins will make?_

"Oh, look! Poor Miss Long has been forced to stand up with Mr. Morgan."

"Oh the poor girl. He always reminds me of a toad."

"Yes. The man should not dance if he can not remember the steps."

_I mustn't throw punch at the guests. I mustn't throw punch at the guests. I mustn't throw punch at the guests._

SSSSS

"Here you are mum."

"You be careful Robbie. Spill that and your mother will tan you good."

"Oh, don't worry none. I've lugged heavier then this."

_Aye, your mistress's feather collection must weigh more then a bowl of punch._

"I dare say you will find him very agreeable."

"Heavens forbid!"

_Aye, it would take heaven to stop Mrs. Bennett from a match makin' scheme._

"That would be the greatest misfortune of all!"

"The punch will be just a moment miss."

"Oh, yes. To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate!"

"Your drink miss."

"Thank you. Do not wish me such an evil."

_Yes, I haven't seen you dance with the toady, Miss Lucas. Ha, there's a thought, Charlotte Lucas and the toady cousin. Even she wouldn't go near him._

SSSSS

"And, indeed, my own humble home has twice been graced with a visit by my most noble patroness, the Lady Catherine de Bourgh."

_What did I do to cause this? I'm a good girl. I don't go into the back of the inn like some._

"Find such a woman as soon as you can, bring her to Hunsford, and, mark her wonderful condensation, I will visit her."

_Don't tell her that before hand. The lady might say 'no'._

"She is truly wonderful. Why, the gentleman who is dancing with her now has danced with only the best partners in the room!"

_Why is he looking at me?_

"Yes sir?"

"Such a noble baring. Such a look! Why I have seen almost that same look on Lady Anne's face many times."

_Lady Anne wears a look of lust most of the time? Hmm, rich people!_

"Do you know his name? Such a gentleman, he must surely move in the first circles. If I was not properly humiliated before him, word might reach Lady Catherine. She is ever so mindful of these things."

"Me sir?"

"Yes, I know that servants are prone to gossip and story-telling. Now, as clergyman for the great Lady de Bourgh, I should look down on this. But there are times when the information that can be had of a servant is unvaluable."

"Ah, Mr. Darcy sir."

_Now go'way._

"Darcy. Oh my. I can only pray he will forgive me this grievous insult."

_I didn't know a-body could turn that white._

SSSSS

_One can only hope that the gentry will be long at supper so I can have a good rest._

"...My brother thought he could not well avoid including him in his invitation to the officers, he was excessively glad to find that he had taken himself out of the way."

_Karry Pollerd is in fine voice tonight._

"What's this?" I ask one of the girls.

"Karry there overheard the mistress goin' off at Miss Elizabeth Bennett." Says Norma.

"His coming into the country at all is a most insolent thing, indeed, and I wonder how he could presume to do it."

_Close your eyes and she sounds just like Miss Bingley._

"Seems Miss Elizabeth danced with Mr. Darcy. And after, the mistress starts in on her for somethin' or other." Norma says.

"About Mr. Darcy?"

"The same."

"Now that's a time to be a fly on the wall."

"You have somethin' to add?" Karry asks me.

"Aye. After their dance, Mr. Darcy had a good talk to himself at the punch table."

"Well go on then." "You won't just say that!" "Where's the goods then?"

"Well, he comes up to the table, doesn't move for a cup, just stands there. Then he says, 'Damn him.' What can I say, so I ask, 'Punch sir?' He just nods. I hand him the cup and he throws it back like he was wishin' it was somethin' more then punch. 'I thought I was rid of him last year. But now he's back.' He says and hands the cup back to me. As I'm fillin' it he just keeps on talkin' to his self. 'Lord, is there some sin I need to atone for? What is it that I have done? You show me one of your best creations, then you let her be swayed to that..."

"What? Wha'd he say?" Robbie calls out.

"If your Mum found out I'd told you those words, she'd give me a boxin' but good."

"Awe, I've been round the stablehands. Ma says the talk nothin' but blasphemy."

"Aye, and I work in a tavern and there were words Mr. Darcy said that I'd never heard a-fore!"

SSSSS

"If I were so fortunate as to be able to sing, I should have great pleasure, I am sure, in obliging the company with an air."

_Oh, Lord! Old Widow Tinner must be right in her talks of people livin' over and over. I know I didn't do nothin' so bad in this life to be punished like this._

"I do not mean, however, to assert that we can be justified in devoting too much of our time to music, for there are certainly other things to be attended to."

_Like learnin' how to stop your mouth. Lord forgive me for sayin' such thing's about a clergymen. But that man can out talk Rose._

"He must write his own sermons; and the time that remains will not be too much for his parish duties, and the care and improvement of his dwelling, which he cannot be excused from making as comfortable as possible."

_First that awful song that Mary Bennett sang. I really think the dogs had joined her. Now this stupid man just goin' on and on._

"Nor could I think well of the man who should omit an occasion of testifying his respect towards anybody connected with the family."

_He's stopped. Thank the Lord. If Miss Elizabeth really is to marry him, I should tell her about the powder Ma uses in the drink of the patron who gets to rowdy. A pinch of that and the toady would be sleepin' like a babe in no time._

SSSSS

"Mr. Wickham had pressing... business in London." _I don't know what officer said it. But it has to be true. That swine had probable boasted about it a-fore leavin'._

"Business in London! If that's why I had to work tonight, my god, I'll cane her, I will!"

I opened the door to the rooms I had next to the inn. "Rose London. Get here now!"


End file.
